Back in the hospital

Unfortunately, Taylor was admitted to the hospital today. I just got back from Salmon Creek, which is the hospital where Taylor was born and where she stayed in the NICU. Michelle is staying with her. Taylor was admitted for observation right now. She was confirmed as having RSV.

RSV is a common cold virus and it is one that has been going round (Taylor was not the only child being admitted tonight with RSV). We are pretty sure Haylee got it first a couple weeks ago, and then Tristan and now Taylor. It hit both Haylee and Tristan hard at first. They had fevers and bad colds. Haylee got over it fairly quickly, but Tristan was hit harder. Usually Haylee gets the colds harder, so we figure this must be Tristan's first exposure to it as well.

Taylor first showed signs Monday evening. She seemed to have a sore throat. Since then she has been getting progessively worse. Yesterday and through the night last night she would drink milk, and then start coughing, gag, and then spit up. She's not dehydrated, but it is something that has been worrying us. She is coughing hard, and can barely cry. She is very hoarse. It breaks your heart to hear her cry.

Dr. Michelle diagnosed her with RSV yesterday. Personally, I think she's taking this "mom knows best" thing a bit too far. I, of course, have never heard of RSV. Michelle had too explain it to me in layman's terms. "It is a bad cold", she said.

"Oh, a bad cold. I get that," I said. I'm not a complete idiot in these things. "Cold + premie = high risk".

It is the one thing we have tried so hard to avoid since we left the hospital. I can't stand gooey things on my hands, but even I have drowned my hands in sanitizer goo any time we go some place. And too think of the lectures I have given: "Yes, we'll come visit you on Christmas but ONLY if no one is sick nor has been sick for the last 3 years. We can not possibly risk Taylor getting sick and ending back in the hospital!"

We were sticklers to the rules! And through all of this Taylor grew and was healthy. And over time the rules weren't as restrictive. What is a parent to do anyway? You can't keep your kids locked up. And if things are going well, well your thought pattern changes. And all of sudden you hear the news! One of your children was with a friend who had a friend, sibling, teacher or parent who got really sick. And it is always after the fact. What can a parent possibly do about it?

And yet there we were tonight. A different room on a different floor on a different wing, but it all seemed strangely the same. The numbers on the monitor displaying the same vitals. The same problems with pulse oximeter. Our poor child on a strange matress sitting on a strange crib within a strange room. The feeling hanging heavy on you that you have lost control to some stranger you have yet to even meet. And to top it off the nurses and doctors draped in protective aprons and masks so they wouldn't carry the "infection" to other patients. And, even worse, they suggest that you do the same!


Michelle had not had dinner and wanted a milkshake from the cafetaria. It was a special order, but she knew they would know what she was talking was about. I set out to find the cafetaria. I had never been in this room, this floor, this wing, nor had I talked to anyone about it. But yet, it only took me a minute to figure out how to get to the cafetaria. Good design, possibly, or just way too much time spent in a place I had hoped I would never see again.


Here I am again just writing. I'm writing to keep friends and family aware. This will get worse before it gets better, I'm told. I'm writing this for Taylor. What a bit of history this poor child has too read some day. I'm writing this for others, who may unfortunately experience these nightmares themselves someday. But most of all I write this because I have to. I had to leave, once again, two of the four most important people in my life. I need to be here for Tristan and Haylee, but I can't be there for Michelle nor Taylor. My poor little princess. She had tears in her eyes when I saw her last. I know she will get better, because I know she's a stubborn fighter. To some extent I fear that she has even more spunk than her mom. That is really scary, but on the same token re-assuring. I know Taylor will be fine, but I can't help to be a bit scared. We have come so far...