30 Weeks!

Today Taylor reached her gestational age of 30 weeks. Its kind of bitter-sweet. Its fantastic in so many ways. Obviously she's maturing and its somehow easier to think of the road ahead when you are in the 30's instead of the 20's, but still there's that part of me that doesn't seem to have let go from the past. We so wanted to reach this point, but it wasn't too be. It's funny at times how it hits you. I'm sure Michelle feels it a lot more than myself, but its still hard even for me. Sometimes, not thinking I'll reach for her stomach to feel Taylor inside, and its sad when they come away empty. Not that I mind feeling Michelle instead. For so long it was also impossible to just hold her in my arms, and that feels good, but there's something missing.

Of course that something missing is now almost 2 weeks old. I find that hard to believe. Time seems to go so slowly these days, but at the same time it seems like yesterday when we were sitting in the c-section room wondering how she was doing. She's come so far and is doing so good. Everyone is telling us that she is doing excellent and that we should relax some, but its hard to do that yet. I suppose I won't be able to until we are home and away from this place where there so many memories.

Taylor hasn't gained much weight. She's still hanging out at 2 lbs 8 oz. We're not too concerned yet. She's pooping like crazy and tolerating her feeds for the most part. She'll grow soon enough. They have had her on extra fortifier because of the concern with her lungs, but will be stopping that now because her poop is getting to runny (and I know that too well from that diaper change the other day).

She has been doing better with her oxygen and CPAP. They lowered her CPAP pressure today back to 5 and she was on room air for the most part and doing fine. Our day nurse the last couple days is the one who actually encouraged this hospital to switch over to this new setup. The CPAP has worked quite well with her. Of course, the nurses and doctor tell us that its not just the CPAP but something that all premies go through. There's truth to that, but I know the CPAP is a part of it. I've sat there and witnessed too many times now how Taylor struggles when the CPAP is having problems, and how well she does when it works like its supposed to.

There's going to be a new doctor the next couple days, and it will be nice (I hope) getting yet another opinion. Taylor's had another head ultrasound last night and more bloodwork. I just realized that I forgot to find out the results from Michelle. I only assume they were fine or Michelle would have said something.

I came home yesterday and Michelle stayed with her. Michelle said that Taylor seemed to enjoy her singing Puff the Magic Dragon. Her sat levels I guess were up pretty high. Michelle has sung that song to Haylee and Tristan as well when they were babies. I didn't dig too deep, but it sounded like she had a great evening with Taylor. She did say how good it felt to have Taylor in her arms again.

The kids and I will be going back up tomorrow night and hopefully staying the night in a room again. Mary is coming in on Friday and we'll come home then together at least for the day. I'll be working but at least we'll be together. I'm not sure yet if I'm going back Friday night, or what the plan for the weekend is yet. One day at a time.

For the most part, Michelle and myself are doing better. Michelle's milk supply is improving and she's feeling better. She's got a lot of milkshakes and conditioning ahead of her. She says she was walking up and down the stairs at the hospital today trying to get her legs back in shape. She hoped nobody noticed the crazy lady going up and down the stairs for no reason. We have to get some more calories into her. Not only is she pumping and needing calories for that, but she's got to gain some weight. Before she was pregnant she was 115. She weighed herself the other day and was 104 and I'm afraid she going to hurt me someday with her spine. Not to mention that Lizzie (my dog) will outweigh her now by 20 pounds and might knock her over. Of course, I haven't seen Lizzie for a long time. Her and Jasper are still with my folks. I hope to bring them home soon as well, but right now its enough of a mess with the two small dogs around here.

I can't speak for Michelle, by my mind finally seems be digesting some of the stuff from the last couple weeks. Well, at least I've been able to think some about work and other stuff the last two days. It was nice getting into work for a couple hours yesterday, and it felt real good to be home today. I can't remember dreaming last night, and that was nice. The last time I was home I kept dreaming about Taylor and waking up in the middle of the night thinking I was in the hospital. Michelle's Grandma keeps bringing lots of good food down and my stomach is so full. I guess hospital life isn't for anyone as I've lost my share of weight during all of this as well. If Grandma keeps bringing all this good food though, that won't last very long.

Anyway, another milestone and on we go...